Entry tags:

fanfic, fic: the mission, seph/genesis/cloud, yaoi

Fic: Hazard Pay
Title: Hazard Pay
Series: FFVII: Crisis Core
Characters: Sephiroth/Genesis/Cloud, Lazard/Kunsel.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2387
The Mission: Battle Plans | Special Assignment | Deep Cover | Code Word | Prisoner of War | Suspicious Activity | Surveillance | Hazard Pay | Debriefing
Art: Hot Dinner | Alt Link: DeviantArt


As it turned out, sneaking fried chicken to a lover on a window ledge did not make up for stranding him out there in the first place. No, true recompense would prove much more elaborate. There may have been a few half-hearted attempts at haggling and one ill-fated try at waiting out the rage (doomed from the start by the inevitable involvement of celibacy). Eventually, the offending party had to come to terms.

It wasn't easy.

The first and most obvious hurdle was that it would have to be kept under wraps.

“You want to take the Wutai assignment?” Lazard asked. “Generals, I understand your wish to ensure our operations there run smoothly but you're hardly required to be present for all of them.”

“But we need to go to Wutai,” Genesis insisted, as if it were obvious.

“Do you? Both of you?” Lazard countered.

There was an awkward silence. “We really want to go to Wutai,” Sephiroth said. He resolutely kept from looking at Genesis, but Lazard saw the flicker of fingers longing to reach for the other man's hand.

Lazard adjusted his glasses. “You need to go to Wutai,” he said flatly.

“Yes, Sir,” his SOLDIERs replied.

“Both of you, together.”

Sephiroth cleared his throat. “Preferably, Sir.”

Lazard stared at them for a while. “Fine, I'll sign off on it, but if you cause any more trouble than usual, it'll be on your heads.”

“We'll keep a low profile,” Genesis swore, though coming from him it was small reassurance.

Lazard watched them go, holding in the urge to sigh until the door slid shut behind them. “What is with those two lately?” he wondered.

Kunsel poked his head out from under the desk, licking his lips clean. “If you want I could plant a bug and find out.”

***

In Wutai there was the obvious problem of access. SOLDIERs, particularly high ranking ones, could hypothetically go everywhere, but freedom to pass didn't mean you were welcome.

“I don't care if I am a Shinra Devil! That was just uncalled for!”

“It's not like we've never been bombarded with vegetables before, Gen.”

“But they got wilted spinach in my hair!”

“It could be worse, Gen,” Sephiroth offered a comforting pat on the shoulder. “They could have gotten wilted spinach in my hair.”

***

Population aside, a landscape so recently rearranged by war presented its own challenges.

“Are you sure this is the way?”

“That's what the map says.”

Gen sniffed the air delicately and nearly gagged. “Smells about right, at any rate.”

“Why are you complaining?” Sephiroth grumbled. “I thought you grew up on a farm.”

“An orchard, Sephiroth, a clean, fragrant apple orchard. Good fresh air and the smell of cider, not all this-”

“Shit!”

“Exactly!” Genesis turned around to see why Sephiroth had stopped. “Oh, just scrape it off and quit making that face.”

***

One unforeseen setback was the fact that diplomacy was not quite the strong suit of either operative.

“You're charging WHAT?”

“This is the best of the best! Quality merchandise!”

“But these prices are outrageous!”

“Why are you arguing? There was a time this used to be reserved only for royalty. Foreigners like you should count yourselves lucky you even get to look at the goods.”

“But this isn't what you quoted us on the phone!”

“You want to keep this from reaching the authorities? Silence has its price, baka gaijin.”

“... Why you little-!”

***

Perhaps surprisingly, the Generals left the farm without major incident, much lighter in wallet and not entirely convinced of the old adage about good things and small packages.

“This is ludicrous.”

“Well, we wouldn't have had to pay that much if you hadn't tried to set the man's pants on fire!”

“He would have deserved it!”

“And we would have started the war all over again.”

“Good. After shelling out all that we need the work.”

***

Any competent military officer knows that adverse circumstance can strike at any time. Even if the objective is achieved, the mission is not over until the troops' feet are back on home soil.

“No, tomorrow is not good, SOLDIER. When I said we need immediate transport to Midgar I meant IMMEDIATE!” Genesis bellowed into the phone.

“We need more ice for the cooler!” Sephiroth shifted from one foot to the other.

Genesis glowered at the receiver for a moment. “Do you realize who you're talking to? This is General Rhapsodos. General Sephiroth and I will be at the helicopter pad in two hours and I don't care if you have to tie a hammock to a flock of eagles, you WILL have air transport ready for us! Is that clear?”

***

The ride home was proved far from calming. Stuck in the belly of cargo transport, there was little to do but cool their heels and come to terms.

“Damn, sex is expensive. If I didn't like the kid so much I'd just hire a whore.”

“So there really is no getting it for free. I suppose on some level we had it coming.” Sephiroth crossed his arms and stared out the window. “Must have been cold out there.”

Genesis sighed. “And I don't suppose the handcuffs helped.”

“It was such a waste of a night.” Sephiroth sat himself down on a crate of leeks and looked almost mournful. “He was so cute dressed up like that.”

“He was. And it'll be a long time before he lets us put a garter belt on him again. Darn Angeal.”

They sighed in unintentional unison.

“So,” Genesis said, “how are we dishing this up for him now?”

***

Both SOLDIER operatives were more than adequately experienced with the various applications of fire. They had come quite a ways from their initial disastrous kitchen forays. However, considering that they were now faced with cooking the most expensive steak known to god or man, from the most pampered cattle on the face of the Planet, perhaps they can be forgiven for a temporary lack of initiative.

“What the fuck did you want me to do? Hire a chef to bring back with us?”

"I'm just saying maybe the cooking's best left to the experts.”

“It's meat, Seph. Maybe it did cost an arm and a leg to get this thing over here, but at the end of the day, it's just meat. How hard can it be?”

“GenGen, I'm only saying that specialty food cooking is a delicate operation and we can't afford to bungle it. Besides, there's no way in hell I'm tramping all the way back there to haggle with that pantsless crook.”

“Well, Cloud's going to be here tonight, genius, so what do you suggest? Turn on the Cooking channel?”

“... Why not?”

“Why no-... Oh. Well, why not? Where's the remote?”

For precious hours they sat with their eyes glued to the screen, watching a cheerful grey-haired woman insert a stick of butter into every recipe, a rather loud younger woman single-handedly keep the Extra-Virgin Olive Oil industry in business and a strangely intoxicating woman who was doing something with pasta*, though by that point neither of them were looking at the food.

“Eyes off the cleavage, Sephiroth!”

“What? I like breasts.”

“That's just because your brain wants to make up for being formula-fed.”

“I'm bi, Gen. Get over it. Besides, this isn't helping. We know how to make hoecakes if we should ever find ourselves a hoe but there's nothing about cooking Wutagyu cattle.”

“Dammit.”

“So now what do we do?”

“... There are recipes on the web, right?”

***

A few strokes of the keyboard, a few clicks of the mouse. Funny how it came down to something so simple in the end.

“Seph, I found it! It was on that 'Cooking with Mog'** show.”

“Uh huh?”

“We just need to get the grill really hot and be quick about it.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Seph?”

“...”

“Seph, stop staring at that woman's chest already!”

Sephiroth groaned and stretched, then turned to the door, all alert. He switched the channel just as the door slid open. Cloud stood in the doorway, looking downcast.

“Cloud?” Genesis ventured.

Cloud looked up at them, trying to blink what he was seeing into a semblance of sense. “You're home?” he said eventually.

Sephiroth stood and moved to stand by Genesis. “Yes, Cloud. We got that steak you wanted. We're just about to cook it.”

“You're home!” Cloud's face crumpled and he ran right at them, spreading his arms to hug them both the best he could.

The Generals shared a glance, reaching down to hold their small lover even before they understood what was happening. “We're home, Cloud,” Genesis said, rubbing the boy's back. “Are you hungry?”

Cloud shook his head. “Where did you go?” he asked, muffling a small voice between broad chests. “I missed you.”

Sephiroth pursed his lips, slightly confused. “We went to get that steak, Cloud. The one you asked for?”

Cloud looked up at them. Sephiroth felt something twinge inside him at the sight of the boy's damp lashes. “You got what?” Cloud asked, brow furrowed.

“The steak, little chickabo, from Wutai. 'Most expensive steak in the world', remember?”

Cloud pulled away, looking down shyly. “You didn't have to. I didn't think you'd really do it.” He stepped out of the circle of their arms, unable to look them in the eye.

“Cloud?” Genesis moved, not a full step, just a shifting of weight from one foot to the next.

“I only said it because I was mad at you for the ledge thing.”

“We know, Cloud.”

“I guess I just wanted some space for a while.” Cloud turned away, rubbing his arm. “I asked for something impossible so you'd leave me alone.”

“Cloud,” Genesis said, “we're sorry about the window ledge.”

Sephiroth nodded. “It was unspeakably reckless.”

“You really went to Wutai to get steak?” Tears were beginning to streak down Cloud's face. Genesis reached an arm out, aching to wipe them away.

“Yes, Cloud,” Sephiroth answered. “We're so sorry.”

Cloud's face crumpled entirely. “I came up here the other day and you weren't here. I thought you were so mad at me for being fussy that you'd left me for good.”

Sephiroth and Genesis caught Cloud up and sandwiched him between them. “Oh, never,” Genesis was saying. “We'd never leave you, Cloud.”

“We only went for you, Cloud.”

Cloud cried harder. “I didn't really want you to go! And now you've gone and blown all that money just because of me!”

“Pfft, don't you worry about that, Cloud. It's not like Seph has anything better to spend his money on.”

Sephiroth grunted a little. “We did have to make it up to you anyhow, Cloud. That corset must have been really tight.”

Cloud sniffled. “The boots did hurt like hell. They bruised my toenails. Wanna see?”

“Oh, poor baby!” Genesis scooped Cloud up and took him to the couch where both Generals proceeded to treat their contrite, red-nosed little boy toy to a potion and a proper foot rub.

“Now about that steak, Cloud,” Sephiroth said.

“You guys actually bought it?”

Genesis scoffed. “It wasn't easy. Hey, don't you feel bad about it. It's here and it won't keep forever.”

“Are you up for another kitchen adventure, Cloud?” Sephiroth kissed Cloud's toes and smiled at him.

Cloud shifted uneasily. “We got new fire extinguishers, right?”

***

In the end, with a blistering skillet and a surprising minimum of scorch marks (“Only two on the ceiling this time! Way to go, Sephy!”) the SOLDIERs put together a plate worthy of a prince. The richly marbled meat was cooked just slightly more than rare (it was their first time, after all) and the steamed vegetables had to be served roasted after getting caught in the initial blast, but the wine was good, the rolls were crusty and the ensemble was by far the most appetizing-looking thing they had ever put together themselves.

“Dinner is served,” Genesis announced with a flourish. Sephiroth fluffed Cloud's pillows and helped him sit up. They set the tray on his lap but wouldn't hand him the cutlery.

“You guys, don't tease,” Cloud whined.

“We're not teasing,” Sephiroth said, slicing into the meat. “Say 'ah'.”

Cloud groaned but did it anyway, rolling his eyes at both of them to let them know they were taking it a bit far. Then the meat touched his tongue and took him away from the world.

The sound of his lovers calling his name brought him back to earth. “Cloud,” Genesis asked, looming in. “Are you okay?”

“Hmm?” Cloud blinked. “It's heaven.” He took the steak knife from Sephiroth's fingers. “Your turn.”

“Cloud, no, we got it for you.” Sephiroth protested.

“So I'll do what I want with it. It's too good not to share, and it's huge too. Besides, y'all spoil me.”

Genesis smirked. “Maybe we do.”

They took it in turns, feeding one another, licking the juice off fingers now and then. It wasn't a large meal by SOLDIER standards, but it was satisfying all the same. At the end, tray discarded and wine bottle drained, all three lay snuggled together in the bed.

“You know,” Sephiroth mused, staring up at the ceiling, “that was so good it almost makes me want to apologize to the butcher. Almost.”

“It was heavenly,” Genesis agreed. “That's as good as orgasm.”

“Uh-huh.” Cloud was half-asleep and too content for words.

“Cloud?” Sephiroth propped himself up on one elbow. “We do get real orgasm tomorrow night, right?”

“Hmm?” Cloud rolled over onto his stomach, one arm around each man's waist. “I'll think about it.”

***

“Did you manage to figure out what that whole thing was about?” Lazard asked, trailing the back of one gloved hand down a smooth cheek.

Kunsel shrugged. “Distance garbled most of it and the battery crapped out just before they got back. I only heard bits and pieces. I did pick up some chatter about 'buying the cow' and 'getting it for free'.”

“Buying the cow?” Lazard frowned. “Buying the cow? Buying the- Oh, my goodness! Did they sneak off to get married?”

“Your guess is as good as mine, Sir.”

“Well, how... how nice for them.” Lazard sank into his chair, limp and forlorn. “I wish they had told me.”

Kunsel rubbed Lazard's thigh lazily. “You'll get to catch a bouquet one day, Sir, I promise.”

*******

* Food Network Addiction, of course;)
** Cooking with Dog. I love it even though it seems unsanitary.

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